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There was likely a time in your life when the holidays were a favorite time of year. Exchanging gifts, playing games, spending time with family and reconnecting with friends are all part of the season and for most, it’s filled with joy.

Unfortunately, when you are struggling to get pregnant or navigating IVF or fertility treatments, this time of year becomes a bit more complicated. The holidays tend to be largely focused on children, which may be difficult when you so desperately want a child of your own. It’s also a time when we see a lot of engagement or pregnancy announcements and while you want to be happy for your friends and celebrate their good news, you wanted to be the one with something to announce.

I put together this collection of strategies to support you through the holidays. A simple list of tools and ideas that can make this time easier for you and maybe even help you reclaim the joy of the most wonderful time of the year.

Take A Break From Social Media
During the holidays our feeds are flooded with perfect family photos, pregnancy announcements and displays of celebration that can be triggering for anyone struggling with personal stressors. This could be a good time to take a healthy break from social media and consciously spend that time practicing gratitude and mindfulness.

Have a Toolbox of Calming Strategies
When you anticipate feeling overwhelmed or anxious, be armed with a handful of solutions you know to be effective in combating negative feelings. As soon as you feel the troubling emotions you can choose a calming strategy and use that to return to a more positive mindset.

Some great examples are breathing exercises, a mediation practice, making time for an acupressure or acupuncture session, or finding someone to talk to such as a trusted friend, therapist, or health coach. Know ahead of time what works best for you and be ready to use that practice when you are starting to feel anxious.

Related Read: Your Fertility Treatment Toolbox

Set Your Boundaries
Take some time to think about your boundaries and how to protect your feelings. For example, give yourself permission to decline invitations that could potentially make you uncomfortable. Could the event be triggering for you? Will it include a lot of young children or couples that are expecting? If so, this might be a gathering it’s best to skip this year.

Are you concerned about unsolicited advice or uncomfortable questions? Prepare for them in advance by deciding how much you want to share and who you want to share with.

Carve Out Time For Yourself Or With Your Partner
The holidays can be super busy with social engagements and family obligations. Make sure you reserve time that is just for you or with your partner. Scheduling downtime for self-care or couple time can recharge some of your energy needed for the less relaxing scenarios.

Related Read: Connecting With Your Partner Using the 5 Love Languages

Prepare Your Responses To The Awkward Questions
Knowing ahead of time how you want to respond could give you a better sense of control of any conversations that you anticipate might make you uncomfortable. Keep in mind, you don’t owe anyone an explanation or update on your family building, but it helps to have some responses prepared.

Here are some examples:

“We aren’t discussing our family plans publicly right now.”

“It’s been taking longer than we had hoped.”

“When there’s news to share, we will let everyone know.”

“We’re working on it.” (give them a wink for some extra snark)

Take charge of your season
Decide that you are in control of this holiday season. Make a list of the scenarios that are potentially stressful and either decide to skip them this year or figure out how to make them more manageable. Planning ahead of time will give you extra confidence. Then, make a list of the things that you are looking forward to and that bring you joy. Make those the priority and focus of your season.

Related Read: Effective Self-Care During An IVF Cycle

I hope you find these strategies and tools helpful to support you through the holiday season. Know that it may still be a challenging time so it’s important to allow yourself the space to validate and experience your emotions and feelings.  

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. May all your dreams come true.

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