For many women and families struggling to get pregnant, IVF and similar fertility treatments offer an opportunity to finally become parents.   The concept may seem like a simple answer… if you can’t get pregnant, you “just do IVF”, but anyone who has experienced the complex and difficult path of fertility treatments will quickly explain that it’s significantly more complicated than that.

The physical challenges are frequently discussed such as the constant blood draws, invasive procedures, and the unthinkable amount of needle injections involved in fertility medications.  What isn’t as commonly talked about are the emotional effects of the IVF process and how significantly it can impact mental health of fertility patients.

Why is it that we don’t address these emotional concerns the way we do physical difficulties?  While society has come a long way in communicating and supporting mental health, it can still be uncomfortable to talk about.  Many women don’t want to discuss their fertility struggles openly, never mind the emotional challenges that go along with it.  Additionally, many women facing this process tend to internalize their emotions.  They may say, “I’m fine” when they actually just don’t want to talk about their pain.

Related Read: When IVF Disrupts Your Professional Life

Let’s explore a few examples of the mental health obstacles of fertility treatment.

The Rollercoaster

IVF treatment is extremely complicated and mentally exhausting.  It’s difficult to predict outcomes and news can go from exciting and hopeful, to disappointing and heartbreaking in a moment’s time.  Women often struggle with not wanting to get their hopes up, while also trying to stay positive.  The up and down is mentally exhausting.

Coping strategies:
I often tell my clients that two things can be true.  You can be hopeful for the cycle that you are in and feel good about the future, while also being frightened.  Understanding that the feelings are complicated and validating how difficult the treatment can be takes the pressure off of trying to stay positive all the time.  Journaling is a great tool to process all the complex feelings that change day to day.

Stress And Anxiety

IVF and fertility treatments are stressful.  Organizing the logistics, the medications, the pressure for everything to go well… it is bound to trigger some level of anxiety.  Additionally, the hormonal medications often prescribed for an IVF cycle can cause hormonal imbalance that can elevate feelings of stress.  It’s common to struggle with focus, rest, and mood regulation – all examples of symptoms adding to the problem.

Coping Strategies:
It’s important to remember that this is normal, and stress is a natural response to what you are experiencing.  When managing the anxiety that comes along with fertility treatment. start with identifying what stress reducing and calming activities are best suited for you and your personality.  I often recommend a journaling session that is concentrated on building a list of what offers joy.  For some this may include exercise or walking outdoors, for others it might be creating art or gardening.  Some other examples may be meditation, journaling, or reading.  Acupuncture sessions are also effective at helping to reduce stress and support hormone balance and rest.

Related Read: Your Fertility Treatment Toolbox

Isolation

It’s common for those navigating a fertility journey to feel alone.  They don’t have anyone to talk to about what they are feeling and even when friends or family are doing their best to offer support, it’s hard to feel understood.  Not having an opportunity to share or release the emotional weight of the IVF process only elevates the stress and feelings of isolation.  Even if they did want to connect with someone who could relate to their situation, they are hesitant to begin looking.

Coping Strategies:
My message to anyone feeling alone this process is that your feelings of isolation are valid, but you don’t have to do it alone.  Connecting with a group or individual who has experienced a similar journey or is going through it too can be beautifully validating and highly effective in releasing so much of the negative emotion.  Support groups are available online, in person and on social media to find the right group to connect with.  If you prefer one to one relationship, seek out a coach or therapist or specializes in fertility counselling.

Relationship Tension

When a couple is faced with the challenges of IVF or fertility treatments, the stress and emotion can be overwhelming.  Medical treatment of any kind can be taxing but struggling to get pregnant has an added emotional effect that everyone manages differently.  Also, intimacy may suffer when a couple is managing this kind of stress.  While trying to conceive, making love may morph to exclusively timed intercourse without any opportunity for spontaneity, physical connection, and playful affection.  Hormone treatments can wreak havoc on a woman’s sex drive and make it difficult for her to be intimate with her partner.  The tension may lead the male partner to feel rejected and the woman to feel guilty and uncomfortable.  Simply, it’s a mess.

Coping Strategies:

While navigating something as complicated as fertility treatment it’s crucial for a couple to communicate and support one another, but often the emotions can be complicated making connections difficult.  Prioritize time together to offer space to talk openly about your feelings as well as listening to your partner and how they are feeling.  Be cognizant not to become defensive before hearing them out and ask for the same from them.  If working together becomes a struggle you are having a hard time managing on your own, seek counseling to help you communicate and strengthen your partnership.

Related Read: How Fertility Struggles Impact Our Lives

Depression

IVF has been proven to increase feelings of depression in those managing the treatment, especially for those just beginning the process or who have experienced a negative cycle.  The emotional overwhelm can affect self-esteem and overall mental health.  For those who have a history of depression and anxiety, treatment can increase the symptoms.  The hormonal medications prescribed for IVF can also contribute to feelings of depression.

Coping Strategies:

If you are experiencing increased feelings of depression, contact your medical team to identify the best way to continue your treatment while prioritizing your mental health.

The emotional toll of fertility treatments is not limited to the challenges discussed here.  Everyone’s experience is different, and the complicated feelings are very real no matter how common they are.  You deserve a positive family building experience.  Seek support to help you manage all aspects of your fertility journey so you can focus on your future and the family you are dreaming of.