I am a different person than I was before I began my IVF journey.  I know far more now about my own body, general women’s health, the stages of menstrual cycle, nutrition, hormones, and ovulation than I ever dreamed I would know.  All of this was important for me to understand while I navigated fertility treatments including IVF and donor conception, but there were significantly more important lessons that I learned along the way that have stuck with me.

Here are 6 life lessons I learned along my fertility journey.

I am stronger than I gave myself credit for.

Throughout my life I don’t know that I would have described myself as strong.  Trying to get pregnant at 41, I was given a lot of discouraging news and much of it was difficult to hear, but I never considered giving up.  There were tears, there were sleepless nights, and there were doubts with some of the bigger decisions, but there was never a question that I would keep going until my family was complete. Later on my journey when I experienced pregnancy and embryo loss my strength was tested again. This was a very difficult time for me but I was able to identify strategies and mindful techniques to support my goals and manage anxiety that often comes with pregnancy after loss.

The importance of advocating for myself

I am not a squeeky wheel, but while navigating IVF I learned how to effectively advocate for myself as a patient and client. I realized how important it is to ask every question on your mind and be confident in all my next steps.  Early on, I was often afraid to ask too many questions or call my clinic when I was confused with an instruction, but I also needed assurance I was doing everything right for a successful cycle.  I quickly realized that my medical team was happy to help with every step of my cycle.  My doctor wanted me to feel confident in the decisions he was making. Advocating is always about being assertive or loud, often it is showing our support people how best to help us.

Related Read: Self-Care Practices For Your IVF Cycle

Knowledge Is Power

When I first began fertility treatments, I found the medications intimidating and confusing.  I decided to learn more about them and what they did in order to understand why I was taking them.  I found once I had a better understanding of my protocol, the instructions made more sense and I was more confident administering my injections.  I continued this in other parts of my life from my children’s illnesses, to buying a car to increase my own confidence in every area of my life.

Find A Support Team

Infertility is often isolating.  It’s difficult to discuss the experience with others and challenging to explain the complex feelings.  Loved ones can be well meaning but tend to offer advice that is more of a wish than solid advice such as “just relax” or “it will happen when you stop thinking about it”.

1 in 6 couples struggle to get pregnant and you are not alone.  Finding a support group, connecting with a friend, or enlisting the help of coach, can help you feel less alone in your struggle and offer validation for some of the more complicated emotions you might be experiencing.  Opening up to others can significantly reduce stress and help you effectively come to clearer decisions.

Related Read: Connecting With Your Partner While TTC

Identify Ways to Process Emotions

So many of us internalize difficult feelings rather than finding ways to manage them.  When struggling to get pregnant I found myself flooded with stress, worry, and anxiety surrounding my treatments.  I couldn’t focus on anything besides trying to have a baby.  I found several habits, such as journaling, reading and exercise, to help me manage my mindset. The jounaling was an effective outlet for expressing some harder thoughts and feelings, the reading was a healthy distraction when I found my mind overloaded with treatment plans, and exercise helped me feel in control. Once I identified what worked for me, I was able to work them into my routine to make sure I was giving myself a break. I now use this information for other parts of my life that cause me stress and know I can turn to my wellness tools to find my calm and feel centered again.

Prioritizing Whole Health

When I was trying to get pregnant, I made it a priority to take care of my whole self – physical, emotional, and mental wellness – in order to give myself the best chance at conceiving.  I fueled my body with nutritious whole foods, hydrated, found time to rest, and identified the tools that allowed me to find calm.  Years later, now that my fertility journey is behind me and I am deep into my parenting journey, I recognize that it is equally important for me to continue the self-care practices I learned when I was managing IVF.

I encourage you to pause at this time on your IVF journey and reflect on how the challenges you are facing may become valuable life lessons for you one day. You may use this is as a journal prompt to help you shift your perspective or find strength in more difficult times.

Looking for more inspiration and support?  Visit my Work With Me Page to find all the ways I can support you on your IVF and family building journey.