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Are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages?  Gary Chapman, PhD, developed the 5 love languages to explain how different personalities need to express and receive love.  According to Chapman, each person has a primary love language and a secondary based on how they prefer to communicate love and affection.  Recognizing and understanding our partner’s preferred love language, as well as our own, can significantly increase connection between a couple and improve the way they communicate. 

When a couple is struggling to get pregnant or navigating fertility treatments the stress and pressure can present challenges to even the strongest relationships.  While connecting with your partner may not feel like a priority when navigating such a complicated issue – strengthening your relationship and working together is vital while building your family. 

Start by identifying your own preferred love language.  Think about what gestures make you feel the most appreciated and what ways you like to express your love for someone.  Then consider your partner and what seems to be important to them in terms of showing love and affection.  Discuss it together while looking at examples of each language and how you may be able to implement them into your relationship. 

Related Read: Connecting With Your Partner Through Fertility Struggles

It’s not uncommon for partners to have different love languages which is why it is so important to learn how to show love in a language other than your own.  It can be difficult to offer affection in a love language that may not be comfortable for you, but it’s key to try and offer connection with your partner in a way that they will most appreciate and ideally, they will do the same for you.

Take a look at the five languages and examples of how they can be expressed when managing something like fertility challenges.  Which examples resonate most with you and what do you think your partner would value the most? 

Words of Affirmation
This language is focused on verbal or written communication to show appreciation and love. It’s important to be authentic and specific when offering your words.

Examples:

Tell your partner why you appreciate them.
Give examples of something they did to make you proud of them.
Thank your partner for something they have done for you – even the small things that often go unnoticed.
Leave your loved one a note telling them something specific you love about them.
Praise your partner in public for something they did or something that made you proud.
Share something special that they did on social media.

Acts of Service
Specific actions of love are some people’s love language.  They like to be shown that they are loved.

Examples:

Do the chores your partners normally takes on.
Make your partner’s favorite dinner.
Make them a cup of tea or a snack after a doctor’s visit or monitoring appointment
Plan a special date night with their favorite activities.
Take care of your partner after a stressful day.
Play their favorite music in the house.

Related Read: 6 Life Lessons I Learned Through Infertility

Gifts
Gifts can be a visual statement of love and mean the most to some.

Examples:

Buy your partner a thank you card just for being themselves.
Bring home flowers after an appointment or procedure…or for no reason at all.
Buy your partner an unexpected gift or something they wouldn’t normally buy themselves.
Make a playlist of their favorite songs.
Surprise them with lunch or coffee at work.

Quality Time
Simply spending time together is sometimes someone’s preferred love language.  Focus on offering undivided attention without minimal distraction.

Example:

Watch a movie together and let them pick the film.
Enjoy a meal together with your phones turned off.
Invite them to talk about your fertility journey while you commit to listening.
Cook a meal or bake a treat together.
Go for a walk together.

Related Read: Supporting A Friend Through Infertility

Physical Touch
Some individual’s love language is physical closeness and affection.  They crave physical gestures as an expression of love. 

Examples:

Give your partner a massage.
Holding hands.
Give your loved one a spontaneous hug
Offer a foot rub.
Sit closely together while watching television or a movie. 

Prioritizing the love languages of you and your partner can deepen your connection and benefit other parts of your relationship.  When each partner’s needs are met you may find it’s easier to communicate and work together toward your family building goals. 

The stress of fertility struggles can be difficult for any relationship.  If you are interested in learning how a private coaching package may help while navigating this journey, let’s talk. 

Learn more about my coaching packages here.

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