As a certified fertility coach, I have an armory of information and resources to support women and couples struggling with infertility, but that’s not what makes me a great fertility coach.  I believe it’s my own struggles to conceive that really help me connect with clients.  Infertility is a club no one wants to join but everything I’ve learned and experienced brought me to where I am today.  Here is part one of my story. 

My husband and I were hoping to start our family right after we got married.  I was almost 41 years old, but healthy and with no history of cycle issues so we hoped we might be able to conceive easily.  At the recommendation of my doctor, I had some blood tests run to get an idea of what we might be up against. It was then that I began learning the ABCs of infertility starting with AMH or anti-mullerian hormone.  A woman’s AMH level is thought to reflect the quantity of her current egg supply and mine was very low.  This wasn’t completely unexpected given the fact that I was over 40 but it was discouraging, and it was clear that we would likely need some help.

Here is a helpful article about egg supply

We began working our way through ART treatments starting with a prescription for Clomid and then a couple of attempts with IUI, all with unsuccessful results.  Our doctor recommended it was time to move on to IVF.  I remember how excited, yet intimidated, I was when the first box of stimulation medications arrived at our apartment.  So.  Many. Needles!  I followed the instructions carefully and held on to my hope that our baby would come soon.  Unfortunately, I did not have a strong response to the medications and only produced three eggs, they all fertilized but only one embryo survived.  After PGT testing, we discovered it would not be viable for an embryo transfer.  Our second and third egg retrieval attempts were even less successful.  I naturally became discouraged and a visit to the doctor confirmed that we were not great candidates for IVF.  This doctor told us while he would never say it was impossible, it was unlikely we would be successful with my low egg reserve.  He gently suggested we consider egg donation. 

I had already begun researching donor egg IVF and after getting used to the idea, it sparked hope.  It was hard to come to terms with having baby that did not have my DNA and had another woman’s genetics but then my husband said something that helped me let that go.  My strongest traits such as kindness, empathy and patience are passed on with nurturing and parenting, not DNA. A baby conceived by donor egg would still grow inside me and be raised with my love. 

It didn’t take me long to find the right donor based on a few photos and a questionnaire.  We chose a young woman who had physical characteristics similar to mine like fair skin and blue eyes.  More importantly her questionnaire answers were sensitive and sincere, focused on her love for her family and passion for helping people.  Working with our IVF clinic, the donor agency, and attorneys we were soon off and running.  For the first time since that initial visit to the doctor, I was filled with hope.  This, I told my husband, is going to work.  We are going to get our family.

In August of 2018 after 3 days of back labor and finally an unplanned c-section, our son, Duke, was born.  He looks remarkably like his father and as luck would have it, inherited his brown eyes, though many insist he looks like me.  We have already learned that he has his daddy’s athletic ability, but he also loves books, dancing and has a laugh that is no doubt a parrot of mine.  He is, without question, my son. 

We share his story with him often, keeping it simple for his young mind and focusing on how much we appreciate everyone who helped us bring him here.  We thank the doctors, the nurses and the special woman who gave us a very important egg that helped to make him before he grew inside mommy.  As he grows and matures, we will offer more details and answer all his questions, so he is aware of how he came to be and why it is so special.  It is our goal that he never finds his story strange or shameful and when he asks to know more of the anonymous woman with whom he shares DNA we will share what we know and navigate his curiosity as best we can.

We are so fortunate that we had the means and access to the best doctors and treatment options.  There were so many paths and strategies we could have tried but this is the only one that could have led to Duke.  He is more than we could have ever dreamed.  I can’t imagine any other outcome and I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Egg Donation is a beautiful option for those who are not able to use their own eggs to conceive.  If you are considering this path and looking for guidance or support, I encourage you to schedule a free discovery call.  Let’s see if I can make this journey a little less stressful and a lot more positive.