An IVF cycle is already emotionally and physically taxing, so when the treatment fails, either with a cancelled cycle, negative pregnancy test, or any disappointing result, the heartbreak is devasting. You feel mentally, physically, and financially exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion.
The most important thing to remember is to be patient with yourself. It may take some time to heal so listen to your heart and body as well as your doctor, before you decide it’s time to try again.
Here are some suggestions on coping with the disappointment and grief of a negative treatment cycle.
Take a Pause
You may be inclined to jump right in to trying again but be sure to take some time and process your grief. A negative cycle is a significant loss – whether that loss is an embryo or the future you imagined. The emotions you are experiencing are valid and it’s important that you process them in a healthy way that is right for you. Identify self-care practices that are effective for you and make space for them consistently while you begin to heal.
Related Read: Self-Care For An IVF Cycle
Avoid Placing Blame
It’s natural to look for a reason why it didn’t work, but remember that it is the treatment that failed, not you. There are many reasons that a cycle could be unsuccessful, but it is unlikely that you could have done anything different for a better outcome. Practice positive affirmations and journaling to combat any self-blame you are struggling with and schedule time with your therapist or coach for an opportunity to vocalize some of the more difficult feelings you are navigating.
Schedule a Conversation With Your Doctor
Be sure to schedule an appointment with your fertility doctor to discuss the next appropriate steps. Anticipate that you may become emotional while talking with your doctor so preparing your questions ahead of time will help you feel in control of the meeting and ensure that time is used wisely. Consider asking about changes to your protocol or treatment preparation, if they recommend additional testing, and if there are lifestyle adjustments they might recommend. Come away from that appointment have a clear vision of what will be different the next cycle.
Related Read: How To Advocate For Yourself During An IVF
Discuss Options
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner or trusted support person about the next steps for your plan. For some this might be obvious, such as another embryo transfer, but it might be the right time to open up discussion about new paths.
These conversations may be difficult so consider having a “safe place” session where you can both candidly discuss options without judgement or offense. Knowing you can voice thoughts and feelings out loud without fear of what your partner may say can open up options you may not have discussed before. Remember to keep an open mind and be respectful of each other’s words.
Related Read: Communicating With Your Partner
Taking the Next Steps
When you are ready, know you can move forward and grieve simultaneously, if it is right for you. It is possible to feel hopeful for future cycles while also feeling loss over the failed cycle. Identify methods of self-care that are effective for you and practice them consistently while also planning for your next steps. Be sure you are moving forward in a manner that is healthy for you and pause if something doesn’t feel right.
Related Read: Strategies For Processing A Pregnancy Loss
It’s important to remember that an unsuccessful cycle doesn’t necessarily signal the end of your journey. Take the time you need to heal in a way that is right for you and then begin to take the first steps toward moving forward. Having the right emotional support during this time can be helpful.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or lonely while trying to get pregnant, managing fertility treatments, or considering donor conception… let’s talk. I would love to help you navigate this challenging road and make the journey more positive. Schedule a chat today and follow Positive Fertility on Instagram for daily support and inspiration.
