5 Tips For Preparing To Share Their Story
Donor conception is a beautiful option for building a family for many couples struggling with infertility. It also raises some challenges when thinking about how to explain the concept to children conceived with help from a donor. In this week’s blog post, I offer guidance and strategies for navigating these delicate but important conversations with donor conceived children. Here are 5 tips for preparing to talk to young children about their donor conception.
Honesty
Studies and research have proven that donor conceived children benefit greatly from knowing and understanding their conception story. Being honest about your family’s story from a young age will support their sense of identity and help them understand the special way they came to be. While it might be difficult at times to talk about a time that may have been painful for you, showing your children that you are proud of their conception and how they were created will ultimately benefit their trust in you as well as their sense of self and self-esteem.
Related Read: Should I Consider An Egg Donor
Practice
Telling a child a story about conception can feel complicated and awkward at first, but practice helps. Parents often start practicing when children are babies, or even before they are born, in order to get comfortable with the rhythm and how the story is told. After many repetitions, it will begin to feel easier and more natural. Many families use children’s books to help get started. Repeating a book about donor conception they enjoy while sprinkling in detail about their own conception helps to encourage everyone to get comfortable with complicated concepts.
Normalize the Concept
All families are special and unique. Donor conception is just part of what makes your family who you are. Explaining that there are lots of different ways to create a family helps a child to feel comfortable with their origin. Encourage their questions and answer them as best you can but allow them to take the lead. Younger children have remarkably short attention spans and will let you know when they are ready to move on to the next activity.
Related Read: 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Using An Egg Donor
Seek Help
Sometimes it can be tricky to start telling the story or answering the more complex questions. There are lots of excellent resources available to help you get started and get comfortable. Quality books and articles have been written with excellent guidance about sharing donor conception stories with children. There are also support groups (online and in-person), counselors and coaches that are available to help you work through any difficult feelings that may emerge when preparing to tell your children about your fertility journey.
Related Read: The People You Need On Your Donor IVF Team
Celebrate what makes Your Child Special
Emphasize their special talents, strengths, and traits that they may share with a parent (both genetic and non-genetic), their donor, and qualities that are unique to them. Talk about the different foods they enjoy, music they like to listen to, games they plan, and hobbies they are drawn to. Highlight how all of these details make up who they are, how they are an important part of the family, and how they are a special individual.
At first, the concept of telling your child about donor conception can be intimidating but it’s a beautiful opportunity to connect with them and share a very important story about how your family came to be. It get’s easier the more it is practiced and can even be fun once they begin asking questions and understanding the concepts a little better.
I would love to help you navigate this challenging road and make the journey more positive. Schedule a chat today and follow Positive Fertility on Instagram for daily support and inspiration!
